Monday, September 19, 2011

Some Things Sting as Bad as Death Itself.

Our people say:
[Frankly, they are too weak and disgusted to speak today. All they are doing is shaking their heads.]

Oboma H is my very good friend. We went to nursery, primary and secondary school together. We almost went to College together until at the last minute, I went to the U.S.A instead of Canada.  But that hasn't changed many things. This girl is one of the best dancers you will ever meet, as an aside, and we have had about as many awesome memories and disagreements as possible and these things only made us stronger.

Then, Oboma lost her father recently.

It's hard for her, especially because she was really close to him and she talked about him all the time. Oboma called her dad 'Father' with a very interesting Kalabari twist to the word, (so it has the same stress pattern as 'Oga'). So, we all referred to him as Father. She's hurting but she's as strong as I would never have expected. I'm literally tapping strength off her and her mother. It's unbelievable and it's a miracle.

                                                               Bomsy and Father.

Oboma's dad was extremely warm and kind (as is her mum) and since I've related with them for more than ten years now, they would always ask about me and vice versa. Extremely funny and his age did not show on his health. He would walk into a room ever gracefully with his walking stick and he would sit with everyone. He would NEVER sit up front or on the high table until he was called up. NEVER. And he was ALWAYS called up :) I know he's resting in peace and really, much of him lives in his children, his wife and those that knew him.

Oboma, be strong. You have lovers. It's not today we started going through thick, thin and BS. So, no be today e go end. God has you.

So, I didn't have to write a post to comfort my friend. Until I saw this:

The text reads (verbatim):

"Gurl you're what if you lost a dad are you the first? Feel free to delete the comment and me from your list."

I know you already know, Bomsy, but just as a reminder, you're the furthest thing from dumb. You're strong and beautiful and a fighter. And your dad is in a better place, looking down on [Paul Barde] and wanting to whoop him.

Your response was what made me realise that this guy was opening things you were trying to allow heal.

So, I plead in the nicest way possible...people, bico, be sensitive to others. I would not have done an entire blog post about this but in view of all that has been going on in recent times, I'm sick-to-my-stomach on the amount of insensitivity some of us have. 

Don't do it.

If what you have to say will not constructively release warmth and prayers and kind wishes so that someone who is going through pain can heal, then you don't have to speak. You really don't.

Oboma, you will heal. Allow this Barde, Paul to wallow in his foolishness. According to IphyIgboGurl, 'you know what they say about when you argue with a fool'.

To all those in pain because of death (or, for example, rape) or statements that sting like them, God be with you and focus on the few warm words this generation has to offer. It's a pity.

Shout out to all those who have taken matters into their own hands  since waiting for 'Monday' was a complete waste of time, especially Sugabelly for making use of her Engl-Igbo skills to fish out those first names. Some heroes come in flimsy forms. 



  1. i love this funmi...
    you have a reallly good point though..why open your mouth if you know what's gonna come out is crap

  2. May the Good Lord give your friend and her family the strength to bear the loss.

  3. I think that brother went too far. However, I think some people with such difficulties may need that kind of radical 'push' sometimes to get them to know they need to get up from where they've fallen and move on. Or what do you think?

    - LDP

  4. @ LDP,

    what radical push? My friend was called DUMB because she was grieving her father.

    Are you for real or did I misunderstand you?

    If I did not misunderstand you, I think that is insensitive to say. Just as insensitive as Barde's comment.

  5. L.D.P, for quite some time now, you had been making some funny comments which is so unlike you, hope no problems, yes,it was insensitive of you.

    May the soul of the departed rest in peace and the bereaved be comforted.

  6. did the Paul Barde person really say so????

    Na wa o!
    people have really become uncouth and insensitive

    even if he has lost his dad and did not grieve at all must everyone tow his line.

    Na wa o!

    i am really really speechless

    Ah ah

    na wa

    na real wa

    Anyways may God give her the fortitude to bear the loss

  7. Apparently, some people have never learned that if you don't have something good to say, just keep your mouth shut.

    I pray your friend finds the courage to bear the loss of her dad. May he RIP

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  9. To NakedSha & Anonymous, I am sorry if I have offended you both but I think you misunderstood me. I started my comment by saying "I think that brother went too far" which suggests I did not condone what he said; alright?

    Moving on; saying some ppl need radical push did not mean I was justifying rightly what the guy said. All I was trying to pass on was that some 'criticism', as such, could help wake some people up after a long round of condolences and pity-partying. I mean, the condolences wouldn't go on for life...would they? I hope I am making sense... if I am not to you... then I apologise o.

    - LDP

  10. You are so kind my darling. Warm wishes to Bomsy.

  11. I hate to say it bu the guy is the dumb one. My condolences to your friend and her family.

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  13. Sorry about your friend. Some people thrive on the sort of insensivity that borders on almost being inhuman. It is difficult to understand such 'human beings.'

    Looks like I've been inspired by you in the title of my latest post - 'fish them out!' (had read your post yesterday but could not leave a comment then). Totally subconscious but nevertheless cool:)

  14. wow! warm wishes to oboma and her family. i was so shocked when i read this. may he rest in peace i Jesus name, Amen. oboma, it is well. seriously. dont be bothered with such irrelevances people write/ say/ do...some people just need a heart...e.g dat guy

  15. Stories are like fairy tales, and most fairy tales are stories.......

  16. May your friend's father's soul rest in peace. And rest assured, God will always heal the broken hearted and the wounded, He is comforting your friend's family and her with love and peace. And speaking of that guy that made the comment, nothing can justify us as humans not being compassionate to one another, we come from dust and shall return to dust.

  17. May his soul rest in peace and may God heal your friend's heart. God bless you also for stepping up for her like this. This was really nice

  18. Some people are just horrible. How can anyone make that kind of comment to a grieving person. SMH.

    May God help your friend and her family to cope with the loss.

  19. The guy is so dumb, I'd like to whup his arse! But you know, even prison inmates have internet access now and with all the boredom from living in prison, they steer up trouble by posting stuff on the web. I pray God will comfort your friend. Losing a parent is never easy, most especially those parents that were very involved in their children's lives.


Your comments are my maggi!