Saturday, March 31, 2012

Inside My Head {4} - The Marriage


1. It looks like the order of Dating/courtship -> Marriage -> Child (ren) is becoming unpopular. I see.

2a. Just because outsiders (or people who think they are more of insiders than one's family) see someone as an angel does not mean they do not abuse their spouse. Your story of them being an angel is true. That's what they are to you. Their spouse's story of them being cruel is also true. That's what they are to them.

2b. Living with them does not mean you know the whole story.

3. Before you condemn a woman who stayed in an abusive relationship, count the snow flakes as they fall from the sky.

4. If you cannot help a woman who stayed in an abusive relationship, do not condemn her.

5. Long before the first punch was thrown and the first belt was whipped out, there was emotional abuse.
    Long after the fist can no longer form and the belt is worn, there will still be the emotional abuse.

6. You have no business being with someone who does not see the good in you. Tolerance and endurance
    are for the wild animals. Love is for humans.

7. If you die in an abusive relationship, at your funeral, the best they would say is that you WERE a good person. WERE.

8. Children will either accept abuse as the norm and not recognize it as abuse and so carry it on in their lives. The same way you grew up thinking brushing teeth in the morning is the norm. OR, a child will recognize abuse as abuse and fight against it in their own marriage with all they have.

9. If you are in an abusive relationship, TELL YOUR CHILDREN EVERYTHING. It is not instigation. You are saving them. You did not fall in the bathtub, your husband beat you.

10. A man can be a great father. The same man can be a not-so-good husband. Your children know the difference.

11. God has had to change up His plan because stubborn parties refused to comply to HIS WILL. Think Garden of Eden. You would run if someone pointed a gun at you, attacked you on the road, beat you up mercilessly, etc. But you would not if that person were your husband? God will hold your hand out of certain plans-gone-extremely-wrong.

12. Marriage should be for ever but it is not an endpoint. Your marriage should not retard ANYTHING about you.

13. The white dress, black suit, large cake and 3-day ceremony alone are INCAPABLE of changing your spouse or your family or your in-laws. Marry your spouse of today not what you hope they change into.

14. Stay out of your brother's relationship. Yes, he SHOULD choose his wife over you, his sister, his mother and his primary school best friend. Yes, if the boat were sinking and he could save only one, he should choose his WIFE over you, his sister, his mother and his primary school best friend. It's called leaving and cleaving.

15. And your sister's relationship.

16. The way one is to one's siblings is a good [indication] of who they are.

What do I know?



  1. You know alot to avoid becoming someone's punching bag. It's just sad that even people who seemingly know better end up in relationships where they are physically, emotionally and even sexually abused. We can only continually pray for sound mind and family and friends who will pry even when we kick them out.

    I absolutely loved this!

  2. Can i just absolutely GBAM this

    i read that story with a pinch of salt

    Plus all the mention of money was just too much for me to bear

  3. You know a lot girl. I love how you expressed your thoughts: straight to the point.
    The psychological aspect of abuse is so deep; it is very difficult for others to understand.Personally i think emotional abuse is the worse form of abuse. As you rightly pointed out this emotional abuse has bee going on long before the physical abuse began.

  4. I'll repeat what I said on ginger's blog: It's perhaps a good thing that the poor woman is not here to see the horrid stuff these two families are chucking at each other. So shameful. She is barely cold in the grave. Whatever happened to mourning with dignity?!

    True though...It is not for anyone to speculate about what went on in the marriage. They should just let her rest in peace.

    Hope you're good, NakedSha. Kindly stop by on Adura's Eyes. I'm participating in NaPoWriMo. Would be nice to know your thoughts on Aina: my first entry into the challenge.

  5. Alyss, leave this place. I miss you already.

    May God take me out, the day before I raise my hand against my wife.

  6. Authorwales, smh @ discussing non-related issues on this space. About missing people, etc.

    There are other things before the raising of the hand. It is important to recognize them as equally potent.

  7. Well said gal! My fave part is tolerance and endurance are for wild Animals,love for humans...
    Well,even when people say marriage is not a bed of roses and we'l have to endure at a point or the other...your phrase(my fave part) will always be in my head.
    Lovely piece! Keep it up


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