Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Stories of Us - Part 1 - How much does difference matter these days?

Our people say:
Yoruba: Àbúrò kì í pa ẹ̀gbọ́n nítàn.
English: The younger person does not give the older person history lectures. - Yoruba Proverb.
I realize that we do not have very much control over who we meet. We do however, have a slightly greater control over we start talking to, choose to date and perhaps eventually marry - In general. I am curious as to whether present generations are actually more liberal than older ones or it is just a facade. I know responses may not match actions but I think I will get a general idea. I''m sure many other people are in this camp. So, due to many conversations I have had with friends and family, I have decided to ask you all - my beautiful readers - this question.

Question: Are you / would you (genuinely) be open to marry someone of a distinctly different race,  faith, culture, tribe,  etc ? (If you are interested in getting married / are married)

A little help.
In order of preference, rank your willingness to marry someone of:
* The same tribe
* A very similar tribe ( Eg., Igbo and Ikwerre are very similar)
* A different tribe / culture (Eg., Fulani and Ijaw are very distinct)
* A nearby country (Eg., Nigeria / Cameroon are very close to each other and share similarities)
* A different broad ethnicity (Eg., Black and Asian are different broad ethnicities of the human race)
* A different faith (Eg., Christianity and Buddhism are distinctly different faiths)

I mean:
How much does the variety of our differences matter these days. It seems to matter less and less but is this just a facade?

I understand that the readers of my blog are a small number of people but from what I know so far, there is a broad opinion pool.

Oya, my people, may una shoot!


P.S: Let us try to abstain from derogatory nick-names, abeg.


  1. i draw the line at faith...i must marry a xtian...but ethnicity and those others are far down my priority list and can be fully compromised

  2. Word for word what doll said. Now my parents might argue otherwise but they have no say.

    With that said can i just tell you that there are lot of difficulties with differences, lets not deceive ourselves. This is where i always say sometimes Love is not enough.

    I do not believe it is a facade, but its not and will probably not be ever eradicated.

  3. Religion is up there on my list..

    although I would love to marry a fellow Nigerian..
    it's not up there on my list...
    i'm open to other countries/races, etc

  4. Igbo and Ikwerre are distinct! lol but seriously sha

  5. I'm completely open to it. I just ended a relationship with a Japanese man that I was very in love with. If things had worked out well rather than badly I would have married him in a heartbeat.

    There ARE difficulties with different cultures and languages, but I think the key is to compromise equally and not value one culture or language over the other.

  6. I have dated a white guy and now married to a Yoruba man being Igbo and Nigerian myself. It's a state of mind thing, there are differences but I don't think they're insurmountable.

  7. My priority before I chose my beau was to marry someone with the same faith, and he found me.

    If we didn't have the same faith, I don't see how it could have worked out. Having conflicting views on faith produces the weirdest marriages out there. The rest of the options, I could have done with. I'm hooked with a man from a different culture/tribe.

  8. I don't mind marrying someone from a different/similar tribe, a nearby country or a different ethnicity. As long as we can get along as well as I would with any
    "typical Nigerian" guy I dated, I'm good with it. Obviously there would be differences but if overall my experience with him is great, why would i restrict myself cos he's not from the same place as me?
    On the matter of faith however.. ahn. I have to marry a Christian. My parents wont live forever and I know I need that spiritual support so my husband gasts be there for me!

    Love ur blog funmi

  9. when it comes to 'faith' theres no compromising.(we must be at d same frequency) as for other differences- it will be greatly oppossed by my parents...but i gotta make a decision i can live with 4 d rest of ma life n sure d gonna respect it.

  10. Guy I'm about to settle down with isn't anywhere near my tribe and I barely notice cause it just doesn't come up..
    Religion should be in tune with mine but other than that, we cool..

  11. We must be of the same faith...might consider a fellow african, if he is a muslim. Oyinbo no way

  12. All your responses are priceless to me. THANK YOU!

  13. non-nigerian might be a bit hard for me. a nigerian of any tribe - dont really mind (was hoping for a hausa guy sometime ago)

    i draw the line on faith.

  14. i am a proud woman of Yoruba race...i am currently engaged to an ibo man...i also draw the line at faith...it is what defines me...

  15. Okay. I hope to smile through this banana-skin set-up! Let's see.

    Same tribe? Not particularly keen.
    Similar tribe? ditto
    Different tribe? I so love hausa chix. They've got this syrupy slur!
    A nearby country? How close is Spain again?
    Different faith? Sorry, twon't be happening!

  16. I married a man of a different race so to me race was not an issue. The only requirement from your list was that my spouse be a Christian because I did not want to be unequally yoked and have to worry constantly about my spouse's salvation!

  17. @Imisi and Amy, I hear you. Bless you.

  18. Faith is my border line. Not a die-hard xtian myself, but like Jaycee said, different faiths produce some really weird marriages.

  19. Hmm....let me see, am married to a yoruba & a muslim...so wetin i wan talk for here na no go be like lie huh?..*grining*...nevertheless, i had it in mind to marry a xtain & not a yoruba & hausa man! ... but when the cupid shot me with his arrow of love, i was singing a different tune..*laughs*....but it is much better for one to marry from the same faith,tribe & race because there are some problems that won't raise it's ugly head unlike in inter-tribal, faith & race marriages... that might put a strain in the relationship because we operate an extended family system.

  20. In this regard im a blind boy. Blind to all the silly niches and groups we humans like to identify with.

    I can marry whoever I damn well please

  21. @ Kay9 and NG, thank you.

    @Enoch, thank you.


Your comments are my maggi!