Naija Mode Activated.

...Omonoba...
Our people say: "God dey" - prayer for the lazy or prayer for the poor or prayer for the Nigerian.

Back...

It's a frustration-love relationship in this alley. But I love it every time.

Today, a mallam in my estate said to me: "half-bread is better than none" because I wore almost knee-length shorts to buy credit. I laughed for 7 or 8 minutes. He was laughing too.

Today, I got hissed at by the boy at the 'Indian shop' because I asked for oranges when he only bananas and watermelons. He hissed at me because 'I no see sey e no get orange for table?'

Yesterday, praise, hymns in church and other important things/people were great!

Yesterday, I accidentally said 'one hundred dollars' while buying something instead of  'one hundred naira'. Before the seller finished saying 'ehn', I corrected myself.

Saturday, my mum made breakfast of moin-moin (with fish and eggs) and yellow pap (a.k.a akamu, ogi, etc).

Saturday, the lady came to the house to braid my hair. She brought her radio and overshadowed my music with her Sonny Bobo music. Too cool.

I'm sure I belong with these people but I'm not sure whether I belong here or now. Or is it the other way around? Until I go away again, I am like a familiar stranger who always overstays her welcome.

NakedSha.

Re: Boko Haram - Muslim Army?

...Omonoba...
Our people say:

Yoruba: O lo-o fe joba o ni o-o nii sOgboni, o-o nii pe loye.
English: You propose to become a king but you refuse to join the Ogboni society; you will not last long on the throne - Yoruba proverb.
.........................

Three things shape the propaganda that Nigeria's crises are religious:

1. Power Dynamics and Media Representation.

2. Left overs of colonialism.

3. Ignorance.

I attended a session during the Conference on World Affairs, Boulder, CO in April where after an hour and fifteen minutes of semi-fantastic illustrations of African peace initiatives by Africans in Africa for Africans in Africa, the only question-like statement that a member of the audience could utter was:

 "Africa's greatest curse is her diversity of tribes and religions so I think models of peace are not feasible among people who are historically different and incapable of co-existing."

This is the type of commentary that stems from portrayals of African crises, especially those in Northern and Central Nigeria, as religious. Because of power dynamics, the West is able to selectively present (as news)  scenarios that perpetuate the model of First World vs. Third World, Developed vs. Undeveloped, West vs. East, etc. It is through the representation of Africa as the 'other' that the West was able to validate its authenticity. That's why during colonialism, Africans were described as 'uneducated', 'uncivilized', 'irreligious' and so on; described only by how the West differed from Africa, vice versa. Long after colonialism is no longer official, the remnants still direct the course of action in many African situations. Especially in Nigeria. Neo-colonialism is arguably worse than colonialism of old because it is most effective. Power is most effective when it is unrecognized. You may recognize this kind of power in statements like 'that's just the way it is.' These kinds of statements wield power over one without a gun or a law on paper. And the media is one of such.

The Boko Haram menace has been reported by mainstream media as a war between Christians and Muslims whose religions disable co-existence or tolerance. Why? Without yielding to the temptation of simplifying this complex phenomenon of power dynamics, when there is a state of unrest among Nigerian groups, they are usually along religious or tribal demarcations. It is easy to write the causes of these disputes as, therefore, religious or tribal. In some cases where they have not been drawn so neatly along such lines, new forms of separation are created. For instance, the Niger Delta crises was constantly portrayed as greedy locals against wealthy and well-meaning expats. Granted, they were drawn along those lines but the political and environmental catastrophes that led to the ultimate violence exhibited by Niger Delta 'militants' are not juicy enough for an African story. Nigerian crises hardly, if ever, start out as religious ones. The terrible bombings and violence in much of the North and Middle Belt are manifestations of terrorism as displayed by an EXTREMIST group (Boko Haram). Boko Haram self-identify as a Muslim sect and at best, are an extremist form of Islam. In fact, Boko Haram acts against the principles of the religion it claims obedience to. Any religion, whatsoever. How? Boko Haram literally translates to 'Western education is taboo' and acts against what they perceive to be non-Muslim cultures (in Nigeria's case, mainly Christianity, western education, non-sharia legal systems, etc.) It is important to make this distinction because in order for the West to make sense of crises, they typically portray them as religious, 'tribal' or inherent instability. Africans are neither the peaceful, puppet, gatherers we are portrayed to be (thanks, Gods Must Be Crazy) nor savage. We are humans; prone to harmonious living as well as conflicts. Muslims in Nigeria are not fighting against Christians neither are Christians fighting against Muslims. ONE extremist group is terrorizing the entire country.

So, do we blame the West for our woes and forsake our agency? Absolutely not. Colonial mentality has left us worse than we realise. Credibility is granted to others telling us about our own stories, especially since they tend to be more efficient at news coverage than our home grown media outlets. Who is quicker to report local crises - CNN or NTA? Who is more efficient at corresponding in unstable areas - BBC or Channels? Who is quick to make multiple documentaries about Welcome to Lagos, This is Lagos, Lagos..this, Nigeria...that? And our own warped ideas of everything non-Nigerian (as a result of Power Dynamics) reiterate the unfortunate discourse that Nigerian-made anything including stories (in this case, news) are somehow substandard. We rely on outside sources to tell us what goes on in our backyards and what they tell us, we take in hook, line and sinker. Disputes rarely start out as religious wars but many times they evolve into just that because of propaganda. In Nigeria, where we believe we know and our faithful to our religions more than those who gave them to us, it isn't hard to utilize this propaganda.

In Nigeria, where people paint their walls and change their roofs when their pastor is coming to visit, it isn't difficult to incite retaliatory attacks. Tell people that Muslims are fighting them because they want to see the eradication of Christianity, and see Christians return the favor. Nigerians are not inherently prone to dispute over peace but we know how to skim over our religions and protect them with the little we have. Boko Haram is a menace and must be regarded as such. Boko Haram is not a representation of conventional Islam neither is it a declaration of the principles of TRUE Islam. Boko Haram is about terrorism by extremist insiders who are enabled by the laxity of a weak government. It is based on extreme interpretations of the Q'uran and extreme interpretations have occurred with all religions.

For the Christians and other Nigerians who are interested in fighting, the target should be Boko Haram not Islam. This needs to be clear in order for Nigeria to fix her disease not running circles with symptoms.

You can read Rinsola Abiola's post titled Boko Haram - Muslim Army? here.

NakedSha

Cause of Death: A Plane Crashed into their Home

...Omonoba...

Our people say:

______________________________!!!

I can neither weep nor sleep.

Or say anything else.

May all those who lost their lives on the plane and on the ground rest in peace. One day, we will stop praying for what we've already been given and act on it.

Bauchi bomb blast victims, you're not forgotten. 

2005 has repeated itself. Embarrassing.

Rest in peace, my darlings!

NakedSha.

Lessons from my Teenage Years

...Omonoba...


Our people say:
Yoruba: A fi ọ́ jọba ò ńṣàwúre o fẹ́ jẹ Ọlọ́run ni?
English: You have been crowned a king and yet you make good luck charms. Will you be crowned God? - Yoruba proverb.
..........................................................................................................................

I just left my teenage years and I can't even believe they're gone.The only not fun thing about graduating college at 20 is that people in church think it is okay to ask my mum for aso-ebi details. Smh.

20 Things I Learned as a Teenager:

1. Your parents are on your side of the fence. You'll see.

2. Judging people by their secondary school characters is unfair to you and to them (secondary school is a stage and many people aren't playing real life characters). It'll mess with your head to see how each person's life turns out.

P.S: High school never (really) ends.

3. Facebook is a place for people to make you believe how much they are enjoying their lives and how much you are missing out. Twitter is a place for people to bark louder than they can ever bite. Yahoo comments are come-backs for people who were told that they will never be clever. Good job!

4. Nigerians are probably at the height of (neo) colonialism. We haven't even started climbing out of the pit. Nigerians wait for the world's approval before we appreciate our own stuff:

5. Movies are wannabe books. They try so hard.

6. Parents did not tell us that one day, we'd have to let go of our siblings and move away from one another. They did not tell us that we may find our individualities outside of our upbringing and become separate people.

7. Surely, the art of intentionally going out to get smashed and do reckless things, puking, getting hungover and waking up just to do it all over cannot be that glamorous.

8. You will love who you will love. But, it is safer to grow into this love than to fall into it. Your head and your heart are not rivals or mutually exclusive entities; let them work together.

9. Parents actually do relax. Don't forget to tell your younger siblings how strictly you were brought up so that they know how easy they have it.

10. Laughter brought me through.

11. Switch off your phone from time to time and turn off access to the online world. If you're not alone, actually spend time with an offline being. If you're alone, talk to and make music with yourself. So that when you're actually stuck with yourself, you won't go crazy.

12. If you cannot say it to the person, don't say it about the person, behind the person. Everything that should be said should be truth but not everything that is truth must be said. Remember, truth that is malicious or isn't building someone is worthless truth.

13. It is a bitter truth: 20 good friends cannot play together for 20 good years. But, some of your best friends will be from your childhood.

14. Don't go to only the United States and the United Kingdom on holidays. Try Gambia, the Seychelles, Panama and India. Visit Ghana, Egypt, Sri Lanka and Japan.You're a victim of incomplete, stereotypical, power-shaped representations of other countries and people too.

15. Spend a good amount of time with children. They notice things that we're too foolish to notice and they remind us of what life really is about. If a child asks for a walk to the lake or a kiss on the cheek, give it to them.

16. Blind people don't have better hearing or touch. That's all they have so they rely on it more that's why their senses seem sharpened. A blind friend told me this.

17. Appreciate nakedness and nudity. This is art in its purest form. And it is not the same thing as pornography. Your body is a temple.

18. Never write down anything you wouldn't want anyone else to see while you're dead or alive.

19. Engage in discussions with people who think very differently from you. In fact, look for such conversations. These are the best conversations.

20. Don't be attached to words; they're words. Ten years ago, sick, wicked, ill, wrong, bad, nuts, crazy, etc meant the opposites of what they mean today.

I thought to put together a list version of Ryan O'Connell's 25 Things I Learned in My 20s.

NakedSha.

"...the words of strangers..."

...Omonoba...
Our people say:

"You see a bird with no hands but only a beak and it can build the nest that you cannot build." - Kenyan Elder.
..........................................................................................................................................
"I'll bear in mind the words of strangers may lead me astray from everything I knew was true." - Freshlyground - Fire is Low [ Paraphrased ]

One's spirit, soul and body are all weak. Three blind mice trying to help each other. One day, One will cruise downhill...away. I hope One finds the tip of the earth and blends in with the waterfalls. One belongs nowhere. One can cope anywhere. One day, One will cruise away...downhill.

But before One leaves, no one can swear that One destroyed all, or any, that they built. If they point to the sky, they cannot point to the ground. If they point to the ground, they cannot point to the sky. None can lick their fingers, no one can swear. If another curses One, it will be a causeless cause. That will not stand.

Will the water never dry? The grass is green where One waters it. By the time One waters and tends and re-waters the grass, One cannot see lush, green fields. One sees the work they have done to keep the grass green. But it is better than to want to lounge on another's green grass. Uninvited.

One should tell One's children: 'Children, before you listen to anyone, find out why they are qualified to teach you about life.' Then, One should go ahead to teach them about life. If they ask, 'what qualifies One to teach them about life', say: 'One carried you for nine months. This stomach, you kicked it. These breasts, you sucked them. These hands, they will slap you the next time you ask that stupid question.' One should proceed to teach them about life.

It is easier to play hide and seek behind One's walls. Another should spend their entire life trying to break through. If the walls come down step by step, it is easier to re-stack the steps up as needed. If there are no walls, it takes [impossible] to build them when needed.

Having walls and loving selflessly are NOT mutually exclusive.

Having walls and loving foolishly are mutually exclusive.

One must remember to be critical. But, One cannot always question why the night is for sleep and why the eggs are for morning.

Make sure you are not taking another's best greens.

One has a soul rhythm blasting, in the evenings, and softly playing, in the mornings. But there are clothes and clothes and then the glaring public and political correctness to try to burst through. Though One still dances at the red stop lights and cat-bounces through the pedestrian walk.

If you find me, I failed at the things that did not plead with my heart. And the others, I told them as stories or songs. When you find the boxes, brown cheddar boxes, you will not be able to swear that they were not mine. I don't know if I lived, but I went to Victory and found God-kind and I went to the house and the kinship sang songs. If I could take one thing to heaven, I would take a song but the ones in heaven are richer and a thick chord. So, I will leave the songs and the stories for my children.

When they ask me: 'where are you from?' I say, 'I am Yoruba and Bini and I come from Port Harcourt'. They say it is not short enough and I should choose one. So, I say quickly, Yoruba-Bini-Storyteller from Port Harcourt'. Still too long. So, I say, Port Harcourt's Yoruba Bini. Too much. Then, I say, PH Yoruba Bini. Then, they sigh, hiss and tell me that I cannot be all. So, I say: "Ok. but I swear, do not spread my ashes outside of Port Harcourt City."

One day, I will cruise away and it will be a downhill carnival.

NakedSha.
I was naked before they could accuse me of not being X-enough.

Inside My Head {4} - The Marriage

...Omonoba...

1. It looks like the order of Dating/courtship -> Marriage -> Child (ren) is becoming unpopular. I see.

2a. Just because outsiders (or people who think they are more of insiders than one's family) see someone as an angel does not mean they do not abuse their spouse. Your story of them being an angel is true. That's what they are to you. Their spouse's story of them being cruel is also true. That's what they are to them.

2b. Living with them does not mean you know the whole story.

3. Before you condemn a woman who stayed in an abusive relationship, count the snow flakes as they fall from the sky.

4. If you cannot help a woman who stayed in an abusive relationship, do not condemn her.

5. Long before the first punch was thrown and the first belt was whipped out, there was emotional abuse.
    Long after the fist can no longer form and the belt is worn, there will still be the emotional abuse.

6. You have no business being with someone who does not see the good in you. Tolerance and endurance
    are for the wild animals. Love is for humans.

7. If you die in an abusive relationship, at your funeral, the best they would say is that you WERE a good person. WERE.

8. Children will either accept abuse as the norm and not recognize it as abuse and so carry it on in their lives. The same way you grew up thinking brushing teeth in the morning is the norm. OR, a child will recognize abuse as abuse and fight against it in their own marriage with all they have.

9. If you are in an abusive relationship, TELL YOUR CHILDREN EVERYTHING. It is not instigation. You are saving them. You did not fall in the bathtub, your husband beat you.

10. A man can be a great father. The same man can be a not-so-good husband. Your children know the difference.

11. God has had to change up His plan because stubborn parties refused to comply to HIS WILL. Think Garden of Eden. You would run if someone pointed a gun at you, attacked you on the road, beat you up mercilessly, etc. But you would not if that person were your husband? God will hold your hand out of certain plans-gone-extremely-wrong.

12. Marriage should be for ever but it is not an endpoint. Your marriage should not retard ANYTHING about you.

13. The white dress, black suit, large cake and 3-day ceremony alone are INCAPABLE of changing your spouse or your family or your in-laws. Marry your spouse of today not what you hope they change into.

14. Stay out of your brother's relationship. Yes, he SHOULD choose his wife over you, his sister, his mother and his primary school best friend. Yes, if the boat were sinking and he could save only one, he should choose his WIFE over you, his sister, his mother and his primary school best friend. It's called leaving and cleaving.

15. And your sister's relationship.

16. The way one is to one's siblings is a good [indication] of who they are.

What do I know?

NakedSha.

Re: Kony 2012 - NakedSha

...Omonoba...
Our people say:
Yoruba: Ẹ̀ẹ̀kan lejò ńyánni.
Eng: One gets bitten by a snake only once.  - Yoruba proverb.

..............................................................................................................

The media has evolved into portable forms and sizes which allow for instant world-wide participation of any and every one who has access to these platforms. One good example is Twitter. Twitter trends are the best indication of what the world is ‘buzzing’ about. In most recent times, this is the Ugandan rebel leader, Joseph Kony. The Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA) leader has recruited 30,000 children in the space of about 20 years who help propagate terror in an already unstable Uganda. A popular human-right NGO called Invisible Children (IC) created a 30-minute video which addresses Kony’s criminal activities and, in typical out-of-Africa fashion, hypes up the rest of the world about donating for the purpose of capturing Kony and bringing him to justice. Their mantra is something along the lines of Kony 2012: Let’s make Kony Famous.

I am disgusted by the Kony 2012 campaign and this video.

Last week Thursday at a meeting of primarily Africans and African-Americans, the issue of Kony 2012 was brought up. When I contributed an opinion against that of everyone else (except those who had no idea what was being talked about), I was accused of being a supporter of child soldiering and unsympathetic to the plight of the invisible children of Uganda. I was not too shocked at this accusation, untrue as it is, because I am used to accusations. Does anyone recognize the accusation of being Americanized or a rebel to [culture] if one disagrees with killing or a prison sentence for homosexuals in Nigeria, etc.? My disgust towards Joseph Kony's legacy and the Kony 2012 campaign are not mutually exclusive. Child soldiering is a step beyond criminal and Joseph Kony cannot be remotely justified. But many people do not understand that we will not all support the salvation-saved dynamics that Africans have lived within for too long. I won’t. The IC MAY have good intentions but good for who? The colonials had “good” intentions, so did the missionaries, the invasive multinational extractive industries and all the other saviors of savage, fetish, illiterate, uncivilized and [bringers of the white man’s burden] Africans. Good for whom? For whom, biko?

And then, the campaign reduces the menace of child soldiering to one man, Kony.  

Such a simplistic strategy of click play -> watch -> be moved -> donate -> share will not solve the problem. It is too complicated and intricate and the imposition of outside salvation has largely not worked and cannot work. Also, it is ridiculous to think that the capturing of Kony will result in a change to child soldiering in Uganda simply because the rebel leader is captured. Kony operated (somewhat successfully) before his indictment (for which he is still at large) for over 20 years for a reason and if we know a little of our dear continent, it is not all black and white. At best, the world’s concern that has resulted from all this hype is short-lived. So, of course, since many of our governmental infrastructures are not sufficient to solve our crises, almighty U.S.A had to intervene. Why oh why would the U.S.A send 100 troops to ‘help train the Ugandan army?’ Oh, yeah, Uganda needs salvation from the West. Will the West ever leave the ‘other’ alone? Power dynamics. 

More, the video does not represent important and accurate facts such as Kony’s LRA presence in the DRC, CAR and other neighboring countries. The people of Northern Uganda are flabbergasted because they recognize their most pressing needs as war recovery not some hype about Kony. Just because some content will make a juicy, viral video does not mean ... I stop there because, anyway, Africa has always been the subject of single stories and viral, juicy media representations. To make the outsider cry and then donate or laugh and then pay-a-visit-to-the-safari-resort or dance and then tie-a-piece-of-tie-dye-cloth-and-jump-and-throw-feet-and-arms. So, Kony 2012 is not an exception to them.

Kony 2012 is more propaganda than treatment and if it is any at all, it is treatment of the symptom and not the disease. Until the systems of corruption and conflicts are disarmed, many more Konys will arise after, if at all, Kony is captured. And it will be of no surprise to me if Kony is not at all in hiding. Think Osama bin Laden and the like; the best place to hide is right under the enemy’s nose. Joseph Kony probably casually watches television at night with his kinship and gun-bearers like much of the world is doing. Or worse, he doesn’t give a SHIT!

Make Kony famous? How about make the faces behind child-soldiering famous? 

P.S: Your donation of, say, $10 will buy at least 50 oranges from the beggar in your home country with two children on her arms and one on her back. It is simplistic but it will do less harm than Kony 2012.

Find out more about the IC's budget here. It is no wonder they make powerful videos. 37 cents from your dollar donation will go to the IC’s over-simplified projects. The other 63 cents will go towards salaries, travel costs and film production for the next viral video for the next Kony, 2012 propaganda. Maybe Boko Haram, 2013.

NakedSha.

The National Theatre

...Omonoba...
Our people say:
Yoruba: Agada ò morí alágbẹ̀dẹ.
Eng: The sword cannot tell the smith's head from others. - Yoruba Proverb.
...........................................................................................................................................................

I'm so busy, I apologize for my absence.
A friend correctly called me scissor-hungry. I've chopped off my hair five times in three years (to my father's disdain). Anyway, I'm repenting.

The National Theatre.

7 Months Ago:

Stay Naked!

NakedSha.

Disrespectful Nigerians

...Omonoba...
Our people say:
Our people are occupying.

Respectfulness redefined!

The officers thought this was disrespectful? I'm getting them.

#OccupyNigeria.

Men and women, with titles, too big to stand up to the National Anthem. Am I surprised?

What did you think - Nigerians in the Diaspora are numb to all these things?

Some of us have only one passport and it happens to be green.

Nigerians have been singing that 'We No Go Gree' song for years. Finally, we no gree. One of them said to Sowore 'I am disappointed in you'. If a typical Nigerian politician in this bland regime is disappointed in you, you deserve a pat on the back. You must be doing something other than wrong.

Occupy their Townhall meeting (in New York city) until Asorock is occupied. 
....................

Also see Naijalines.

NakedSha.

Allah is Not Obliged...

...Omonoba...
Our people say:
Yoruba: Oore tí a ṣe fádìẹ ò gbé; bó pẹ́ títí a ṣomi tooro síni lẹ́nu.
Eng: The favor one does a chicken is not for nought; in due course it will make stew to delight one's mouth. - Yoruba Proverb.
........................................................................................

This is how this books starts. When I bought it at Farafina, Lagos, I started reading in once I got home. As soon as I read the first line, I thought, Oh no! Let's put this aside and have it as dessert. Great decision because after very tough and more in-depth books, the lightness of this story (even despite the war and wild-west context) was soothing. Birahima is hilarious. Such a good book. If Ahmadou Kourouma were alive, I would love to listen to stories at his feet.

Page 1.

Birahima uses his dictionaries (which were gifted to him) to dig out big words and then explains to the reader what the words mean as if he grew up understanding these words. What's funny is half the time, he abandons the actual definition and just explains it the way he knows best.

Page 126

Haha, Birahima sha. I'll stay with this character for a long time just like I did with Uwem Akpan's characters.

Page 163

The book is saturated with innocent comments like the ones below. Well, innocence or sarcasm depending on how you see the world. 

Page 176

Page 203

Birahima is a child-soldier. So, his storytelling is very much like that of a child but his environment shows up in the words he uses A LOT. Faforo, walahe, gnamokode, nigger, fuck, shit, bitch, etc.

Biko, because of literature, read this book!

NakedSha.